Who Am I to Say
by Beauty within the Forest
Summary: Who am I to say you need me? Who am I to say you loved me? I don't know why I keep waiting...I don't know why I keep searching. And now I know what's meant to be, and that's okay with me. Based from the song Who Am I to Say by Hope so technically songfic-ish... Rated T for language, a little self harm, some violence, and character death. One-sided Shizaya.


**Hello~ So yeah this my first story ever! Yay for me! XD Hope you like it and feel free to rate and review. No harshness please. ^.^ Songfic. :)) **

* * *

It was just a normal day. As usual the informant Izaya Orihara would do something to piss off the strongest man of Ikebukuro, Shizuo Heiwajima, then the chase began. In was kinda like watching Tom and Jerry. Stop signs, trash cans, vending machines, and the like, were uprooted from their spots and would be thrown at whichever direction the flea went. Yes. This was considered normal by those who've lived in Ikebukuro. But who would've guessed today would be different. Who would've guessed today might be the last game they ever played?

**~.~.~.~.~.~**

"FUCKING LOUSE! STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!" Shizuo yelled hurling a trash can at Izaya.

"Oh but how could I, my dear Shizu-chan~? When you're just so much fun to play with.~" Izaya retorted at the infuriated ex bartender, easily dodging the trash can.

"I AM NOT A THING!" Shizuo yelled chasing after Izaya with another uprooted street sign. Their chase ended up in an alleyway. "Why can't this flea just die?!" he muttered to himself.

"Oh but you are! You are a monster, ergo you are not human. You are a thing!~ WHA-?!" Shizuo caught Izaya by the hood of his jacket and flung him so hard against the wall it left a crater. The blow knocked out a lot of air out of him.

"YOU KNOW WHAT FLEA?!..." he clenched his fists, then took a deep breath. Calmly he said, "I'm through with this crap." Then he left. This unnerved Izaya a bit but quickly dismissed it as the protozoan to be throwing a tantrum. _I'll mess with him when he's a bit calmer, _he thought. But he was wrong.

**~.~.~.~.~.~**

Everyday Izaya tried his best to get the blond to chase him, but each attempt failed. "You're just not worth it" Shizuo would say. Now Izaya was beginning to sense some fear building up in him. He decided to spy on Shizuo. To his surprise, he see the monster - **_his _**monster - with someone else. She was busty and sported long blond hair.

**~.~.~.~.~.~**

**"**So is this the reason why you haven't been paying any attention to me, Shizu-chan? Because you're with some blond bitch?" he said with his trademark smirk, just to hide the fear.

"Hey, watch it!" yelled the girl.

"Vorona calm down-" Shizuo started.

"Vorona is it? I hate to break it to you Vorona-chan, but this monster is incapable of love. You won't last."

Turns out Vorona had the same monstrous strength as Shizuo does and the punch she landed on Izaya's stomach sent him flying.

"Vorona! Enough! He's not worth it! Worthless shit like him shouldn't be fussed over!" For once, that kind of hurt Izaya. Then came the worse:

"Flea, I'm done with this. I'm tired of you and it's time to move on." And he said it in such a way Izaya knew...it really was over.

**~.~.~.~.~.~**

It began to rain. Izaya walked home slowly, not minding the rain soaking him to the bone. Upon he reaching home, all his rage was released.

**"WHO DOES THAT PROTOZOAN IDIOT THINK HE IS?! REPLACING ME WITH THAT...THAT WHORE! **Soon... hah, ha,... he's gonna regret ever doing this to me... Ha ha ha... **THE GREAT IZAYA ORIHARA ALWAYS GETS HIS WAY! **I know... I'll start with more gang attacks, then I might just have someone assassinate little Yuuhei-chan, and...and that _Vorona-chan~ _will never see the light of day again! It's easy just dial a few numbers and it's done!"

**~.~.~.~.~.~**

A year and a half passed and nothing happened. All except for one thing...

"Shizuo you're engaged?! CONGRATULATIONS! ~" yelled the hyper active Shinra. Shizuo had announced it to every one of his friends at Russia Sushi.

"Congrats, Shizuo! Eat sushi! It free!" said Simon offering a platter.

Indeed all were happy. But someone was worried. Celty worked for Izaya and admits he wasn't such a "great" boss, but things have been quiet. _Too quiet. _She drove through the streets and stopped in front of a particular apartment building.

**~.~.~.~.~.~**

_Who am I kidding...? I can't be stay like this... _Izaya hated to admit it but, there was nothing he can do. He had fallen hopelessly for Shizuo and he couldn't bring himself to do anything to disturb him anymore. Laying down in the darkness of his living room, he cried silent tears when a knock came through the door. "It's open." Celty came in through the door.

"Oh Celty, I wasn't expecting you. Unfortunately you have nothing to deliver so be on your merry way" he said waving her out the door.

_~ Izaya...tell me what's going on~_

"Nothing's going on, Celty."

_~Izaya, just tell me what's wrong. Tell me the truth.~_

"OK, you want the truth? I love Shizu-chan. There you happy?" He said sitting up, refusing to let any tears flow in front of her.

_~...what?~_

"You heard me," he said sitting up, and with a sigh and a sad smile he explained. "I gave it so much thought and I think the reason why I annoy him, why I cause him trouble, why I'm jealous of Vorona, and why I haven't done anything to break those two up was because I love him."

_~Since when?~_

"I guess since I met him at Raira. The moment I saw him, there was an instant spark."

_~ This long? Then why didn't you say anything?~_

"Hah!" he barked out a laugh. "And risk having him hate me more? I think not." Tears were now falling down his cheeks. "I don't expect you or anyone to care. I deserve this. I don't deserve the love my humans -especially Shizu-chan- give me. I'm not worth anything..."

_~Izaya...don't say that~_

"Save it. Please see yourself out..." Izaya's voice was cracking visibly. Celty placed a hand on his shoulder but he shoved it away. "Please just go..." he said, barely a whisper. He looked up at her forcing a smile. And the last thing Celty ever heard through the other side of the door was the sound of Izaya's heartbreaking cries.

**~.~.~.~.~.~**

Just days before the wedding, Celty finally got a chance to talk to Shizuo in private. _~You need to see Izaya...NOW~ _

"And why the hell would I do that?"

_~He's really hurt and he needs to see you. He...he might die!~_

"OK, good for him. And about damn time, too." That earned him a huge slap on the face. "WHAT THE FUCK?!"

_~Do you even hear yourself?!~_

"Yes! Clearly! I don't care about him anymore, so back off!" Without another word, Celty's shadows grabbed onto him and then they left for his apartment. Once they reached it, she pushed him inside the elevator.

_~At least patch things up with him~_

"ALRIGHT! FINE!"

**~.~.~.~.~.~**

"Flea!" he yelled banging on the door. Saying that again was kind of new to him, since it's been so long and...The door was open and he went inside. On the coffee table was a piece of paper. Written in the flea's handwriting was his name. His actual name!

_Shizuo Heiwajima_

And picked up the paper and opened it. It was a letter.

_Shizuo,_

_ Congratulations on your engagement. It seems you have proven me wrong. I guess a beast like you can be tamed...I'm just disappointed I wasn't able to do it myself. You see, I do what I do because...I love you, Shizuo._

"What...?"

_The moment out chases began, I became addicted. You became my own type of drug. I loved the attention you gave me and...when I realized you had moved on, I lost control of myself. Pathetic it is to admit, but I began cutting and starving myself. Because I knew I lost. Yes. The once great Izaya Orihara admits defeat. To you, nonetheless._

_ Who am I kidding? I loved you for so long and though it doesn't seem like it, I considered you my best friend. I didn't want to admit it because of the risk, you won't react well to that. Frankly, you loving me back was a long shot. What am I to do now that I've lost you? Who am I to say you need me now?_

_ I feel so alive and free when you and I start our chase. But now I know what's meant to be...and that's okay with me._

_Guess you finally got what wanted,_

_Izaya Orihara_

"No...Izaya!" He went through random doors till he found one with the raven in it. Izaya turned to face him and before anything could be said or done, a loud bang was heard and a body fell to the floor, a slow puddle forming around him.

_Who am I to say you love me?_


End file.
